The sequester deadline looms on Friday, and two competing plans to avert the crisis are doomed to failure even before they are finalized.
Both Democrats and Republicans in the Senate are proposing measures to avoid the $85 billion in automatic, across-the-board spending cuts that both parties are worried will decimate the federal government's ability to function.
In a strange twist, Senate Republicans want to give President Obama more freedom to pinpoint targeted cuts in federal spending, but Obama will veto that bill if it comes before him.
In essence, the Republicans are offering Obama the power to shoot himself in the foot. Under the Republican plan, Obama would be able to rewrite the 2013 federal budget, but he would be unable to cut defense more than it has already been cut, and he wouldn't be able to raise any taxes.
That would leave Obama in the position of deciding which social programs he would axe, allowing the Republicans to pin the blame for any fallout from the sequester squarely on the president.
Both sides have been trying to dodge the blame for the current manufactured crisis, which both parties agreed to back in 2011 as a way to prevent the United States from defaulting on its debts in the face of Tea Party intransigence.
Meanwhile, the Democrats are proposing a $110 billion plan that would push off sequestration until the end of the year. Social programs still take a 5 percent hit, and defense is cut 8 percent, but Medicaid, Social Security and food stamps would remain untouched. Medicare providers would take a 2 percent hit.
In the House, Republicans have a plan that would allow the military to determine which of its programs gets cuts and where. Currently, the sequester is completely untargeted, hitting all agencies and departments with the same shovel, regardless of their importance, profile or necessity.
But House Republicans only extend this benefit to the military, not other government agencies that oversee social programs, homeland security or border control. In fact, some Republicans want to see cuts materialize in things like federal oversight of the food industry.
All of these plans are exercises in futility. Republicans refuse to allow another tax hike on wealthy Americans, and Obama refuses to try to balance the budget without those concessions. It's a game of fiscal chicken and neither side is blinking.
Yet.